My Once Mother
by roseusvortex
Summary: Mothers don't haunt you, but demons do.


**_Wow. Lately I've been hanging out in the feels area with the family fics lately, haha. Go hug your mom after reading this by the way. I know I'm going to. :)_**

 ** _My 100th story! Give a review? ;) Hope I got Loki in-character. Thor was my first fandom to write for and my first two reviews were so kind and they started me off on my FF writing journey. So this is a bit of an anniversary fic for me.  
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* * *

 _This presence..._

Loki paused from turning a page of his novel that he was reading.

 _Silence._

It made Loki want to give in to a childish scowl. This presense _again._ She haunted him every month, every week, and every, _every_ hour of every day. He complained. He ranted and yet, she still returned.

"Loki..."

"Leave me." Loki said between gritted teeth, trying with desperation to focus on the novel in his lap. It would do no good to ignore her, it never helped before. If there was thing he hated to do, it was repeating his mistakes. For example, he pondered to himself briefly, hitting Thor with his staff at that angle _obviously_ hadn't worked so he should try from the other side next time.

"Loki."

He sighed. And ignoring her never helped him before either. This would have to be one of the times he would have to talk. Something he was very good at... _talking._

"What do you want this time, hmm? Maybe some groveling for forgiveness? Mad screams of anguish? I'm told that I'm rather good at those, you know." He let his lips spread into a wide smirk.

 _She_ stared at him in sadness or disappointment. Loki coudn't tell anymore nor did he care. Either look just made a sick feeling settle in the bottom of his stomach and made the lies fall faster from his lips.

"I wish neither from you, my son."

His heart tightened, "Oh, I see. You want me to break out in mad rage?"

Frigga shook her head slowly, "I only wish to see you, or perhaps... you wish to see me?"

"I have no wish to be haunted by my own demons."

Frigga smiled faintly, "I'm a demon, now? To think that at a young age, I was once a mother, but suddenly I am a demon."

He shook his head, "Don't play with words when that is my field. I believe you clarified that for yourself without my help, _once_ being the key word."

Frigga closed the distance between them, resting a hand upon his cheek for a second. Loki felt the warmth of his _once_ mother's skin touching on his. It was peaceful for a moment until her touch turned cold against him. He stared down at her and said, with no anger present in his tone, only underlying sadness, "You can't touch me. You can't comfort me no longer. Because you were _once_ my mother a long time ago, but no more."

Her eyes were desperate, "Why can't I be your mother still?"

For several reasons he wanted to say to her. For lying. For leaving him. For returning, only to pain him once again. But more importantly...

 _Gone._

Loki stared at her golden hair that fell across her shoulders, her warm eyes that would stare down at him and sing him to sleep many years ago. Committing the smallest details on her face to his memory even thought he knew that he would see her again. Haunting, afterall, was the daily job of demons. He closed his eyes. "Because... you are dead." Loki swallowed the lump in his throat. He _hated_ this damned weakness. "As a mother, I can no longer see you."

By the time he opened his eyes again, she was gone, and he whispered in the empty air, "I rather see you as a demon."

 _my son, golden light flickering, cold, cold, so warm, my mother, just for once, my once mother._

He let out a bitter laugh that sounded to weak even to his own ears. Seeing dead things. Proved that he was mad, didn't it? Wanting to see them again certainly did.

...

Mothers don't haunt you, but demons do. After being called a monster so many times, it would seem that demons flock to him like moths to a flame. Unfortunately, there always seems to be one that pains the monster the most. Whether it touches him or not. Whether she sings or not. Whether she was dead or alive. That demon... that demon for him...

 _It would be her._

For him, that would be his _once_ mother.


End file.
